Comedy Scripts

You rarely hear the phrase 'Christian Screwball Comedy,' but if such a thing exists, you'll find it here. Inspired by the comedy greats of the past, including Monty Python and Abbot and Costello, these scripts prove that Christians are their own brand of crazy.

Accountability Partner - A would-be accountability partner is frustrated by the lack of sin committed by his charge.

Antichrist Recruiters - Two Christians are impatient for the End Times to begin and try to recruit an Antichrist to get things started. They just can’t agree on what kind of Antichrist they want.

Apologetics Clinic - A Christian parody of Monty Python's 'The Argument Sketch.' A hapless patron enters the Apologetics Clinic and encounters a clerk who clearly does not know what apologetics is, and it only goes downhill from there.

Battle of the Church Thermostat - A group of insurgent parishioners are making a play to change the church thermostat. They face opposition in every direction from rival factions who also want control of the thermostat. 

Bible Shoppe Sketch - A Christian parody of Monty Python's classic 'Cheese Shop' sketch. A customer enters a shop that claims to be fully stocked with Bibles, but can't get a single one he asks for.

Biblical Business - A Businessman goes to see a Licenser about setting up a Bible-based business, and when his idea is taken, he finds that the other options aren't very good.

By the Numbers - Two women, competing for the same church leadership position, compare their Christian stats to see who is the most spiritually mature.

Christian Doctor -  A woman takes her husband to the hospital, only to find out that the doctor there lets all his Christian patients die so they can go to Heaven sooner.

Christian Test - A Christian wanting to join a church is asked a series of increasingly inane questions to test whether he is the “right” kind of Christian.

A Christmas Persecution - When three parishioners are barred from putting up a Nativity scene on city property, their pastor realizes that the ban was definitely justified.

Church Bouncer - A man arrives at church to find a bouncer guarding the door.

Church Finder - A man goes to a professional Church Finder for help in finding a church. However, it doesn’t go as well as he’d like.

Church Insurance - A pushy insurance Agent tries to sell a policy that covers specific "Acts of God," including pillars of fire and plagues of locusts. He does not find a receptive audience.

Committee Sketch - A new pastor learns just how many church committees it takes to change a light bulb.

Council of Church Morality - A new member to the Council of Church Morality discovers that their priorities are askew in their choices for moral crusades.

Deacon’s Interview - A church member is asked a series of increasingly odd questions when being interviewed for a position as a deacon. 

Dead Pastor Sketch - A Christian parody of Monty Python's classic 'Dead Parrot Sketch.' A customer tries to return a pastor he purchased because the pastor was dead. However, the clerk refuses to concede that the pastor he sold is, in fact, dead.

Elections: a public service announcement - It can be hard, as a Christian, to decide who to vote for. This PSA presents a modest proposal that will clear things right up, as electing the right people is far less important than voting for the politicians who pander to us the most.

End Times Anonymous -  We have a meeting of End Times Anonymous, a support group for people disappointed that the End Times, Rapture, and Second Coming haven't happened yet. 

Enraged Emcee - An Emcee hosting an event about grace finds himself constantly interrupted by an Assistant who keeps trying his patience.

Facebook Inquisition -  The Facebook Inquisition pounces on a poor individual because his Facebook activity isn't Christian enough.

God and Politics - An aspiring politician is tempted by two smooth-talking consultants.  (Free Script)

Have I Got a Hymn for You! - An aspiring hymn writer can't seem to realize why his efforts are soundly rejected.

How it Really Happened - A speaker giving his testimony is hooked up to a lie detector, and the truth of what really happened comes out.

How Not to be a Martyr - A Christian is told that the only thing he'll be good at is being martyred. He is then given several options for his martyrdom.

Introduction to Evangelism Basics 101 - A frustrated instructor tries to teach his hapless students the art of evangelism. It doesn't go well.

Jesus Shop Sketch - A customer perusing the 'Jesus Shop' discovers that not all products benefit from their own 'Jesus Brand.'

The Library Sketch -  A bookseller tries to sell several odd titles to a church librarian in this alphabetical situation. The titles are not well received.

Lingo - A visitor to a Christian meeting has no idea what anyone is talking about. (Free Script)

Loitering - A man is accused of loitering, and the exchange just goes downhill from there.

Matthew the Verse Boy -  A boy named Matthew is leading a Bible study. Problem is, everything he reads from the Bible happens around him. And not all the Bible's verses are happy and sweet.

Means and Ends - When Jerry says he'll spread the Gospel by any means necessary, he isn't kidding.

Ministry of Architecture - An eccentric architect offers some suggestions to a pastor about possible improvements to the church. None of these suggestions go over well.

Ministry of Christian Band Names - A bandleader of a Christian band is looking for some help in finding the perfect Biblical band name. Sadly, a visit to the Ministry of Christian Band Names reveals that all the good Biblical names are taken, and the ones remaining have a lot to be desired.

Ministry of Christian Television - A hopeful producer of a Christian television show visits a consultant at the 'Ministry of Christian Television' and the two of them have very different ideas about what constitutes "Christian programming."

Ministry of Church Productions - Someone makes the mistake of visiting the Ministry of Church Productions to get some help for Vacation Bible School. Let's just say you can be too literal when you act out Bible stories for kids.

Ministry of Good Character -  A pastor runs afoul of the Ministry of Good Character when trying to dress up as a person from the Bible. 

Ministry of Public Speaking - A timid would-be evangelist tries to get public speaking lessons. Unfortunately, his teacher is, to put it politely, a complete loon. 'The King's Speech' this isn't.

Ministry of Small Things - Pastor Archibald is vexed by a visit from the Ministry of Small Things.

Missionary Drill Sergeant - A drill sergeant tries to instruct a group of would-be missionaries. Think Full Metal Jacket with less cursing and more Bibles.

Nativity Director - A hapless director has no idea what he’s gotten himself into when he agrees to direct his church’s Nativity play.

On Second Thought - If the whole purpose of Jesus coming to Earth was to die for our sins, then it's pretty ridiculous to blame anyone for His death. Besides, what would have happened if they'd changed their minds?

Our Friend Occam - Three friends sit around and debate whether there is any evidence for God's existence. (Free Script)

Pastor Panhandler - A Christian couple encounter a panhandler they immediately recognize as their pastor in disguise. Things grow increasingly awkward as they try to act like they don’t recognize him.

Pirate Peacemaker and Ninja Negotiator - A pastor tries to make peace between two members of his church: a pirate and a ninja.

Potluck License - A woman finds out that she needs a license to bring food to her church's potluck, and getting it isn't exactly a piece of cake.

Punch in the Face -  A would-be evangelist doesn't understand that actions speak louder than words, and you can't justify everything simply because you're doing it for Christ. (Free Script)

Rapture Store - While the Rapture can make for a very profitable business plan, this store doesn't quite have the hang of it.

So You Think You Can Minister -  Three people find their ministry skills questioned when a Christian reality show host crashes their committee meeting.

Sunday Morning Runway - What happens when a church is more focused on superficial concerns rather than what's truly important? (Free Script)

That's My Spot - A cranky churchgoer discovers that some ruffian is sitting in his usual spot in the sanctuary. Naturally, this upsets him and he plans to take it to the highest authority.

Undead Evangelism - A human and his vampire friend are out spreading the Good News when they meet a zombie. Unfortunately, the human's undead biases cause a huge problem.

What's My Line? -  A Director gets more and more frustrated when the Actor refuses to say the correct line. (Free Script)

Who’s the Pastor? - A Christian parody of Abbot and Costello's classic 'Who's on First' routine.

 

All he wants to do was host a simple show about evangelism. Instead, the Narrator is saddled with two assistants who not only steer the car toward the cliff, they try to add booster rockets. An evangelism aid disguised as a screwball comedy, or perhaps the other way around, 'How to Evangelize People' is something you've never seen before.

The Salutation - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of greetings, his assistants (Eric and Andy) accuse him of being a Communist.

Speaking of God - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of bringing up your faith in a conversation, he also must console Andy on being a futon owner.

Testimonies - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of testimonies, his assistants debate whether or not kilts are in this year.

Rejection - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of rejection, he and his assistants debate the quality of 'Weekend at Bernie's.'

Two by Two - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of going out "two by two," Eric and Andy debate the merits of spin-offs.

Servant Evangelism - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of being a servant while evangelizing, time travel via a phone booth is given due consideration.

Your Attention Please - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of gaining someone's attention, he must also confront his dislike of balloon animals.

A Page from the Book of Assisi - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of emulating the example of St. Francis of Assisi, Eric and Andy recall traumatic evangelism attempts

A Christian to English Dictionary - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of translating "Christian Speak" to understandable language, Andy runs the risk of being set on fire.

What’s Fun got to do with it? - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of remembering that there is joy and fun in the Gospel message, he is berated for using the passive voice.

Politics as Usual - As the Narrator tries to address how politics can interfere with the Gospel message, Eric and Andy discuss the deliciousness of turducken. 

The Lost Episode - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of not letting biases interfere with discerning who is and isn't a Christian, Eric discovers why Andy is a terrible negotiator.

Stumbling Blocks - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of stumbling blocks and how they interfere with the Gospel message, Eric and Andy discover they might be sued.

Tis the Season - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of Christmas, Eric discusses why he has a restraining order against Santa.

Friendly Neighborhood Atheist - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of engaging atheists, Andy learns new words.

Tips and Tracts -  As the Narrator tries to address the subject of being a good restaurant customer (and tipping well), his assistants become obsessed with furniture and power tools.

Internet Evangelism - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of spreading the Gospel online and avoiding some problematic internet pitfalls, his assistants are too distracted by smartphone games and cat pictures.

Hard Questions - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of hard questions, Eric uncovers a conspiracy involving Kevin Bacon.

The Path to Salvation - As the Narrator tries to address the subject of what is and isn't needed for salvation, Andy wants to shoot someone out of a cannon.

Evangelism - The Narrator is a no-show and Eric and Andy have no idea what to do next. When Brian arrives to deliver a message, they find out what it's like to evangelize in the real world.

A satirical, slightly subversive, and definitely tongue-in-cheek take on Christian morality plays aimed at teenagers. Two friends, Brandon and Gary, dole out advice to their classmates about issues of the day. Gary often finds himself tempted by the very things he advises against. Brandon, meanwhile, has a credibility gap due to the fact that he's perpetually grounded for perfectly reasonable, honest mistakes that often involve a hazmat team. Together, though, these two ordinary, witty, and often imperfect teens try to make the world better for their friends.

A Teen Skit About: Drinking - Brandon and Gary try to help their friend Ace, who is starting to become Facebook famous for all the wrong reasons.

A Teen Skit About: Conformity - Brandon and Gary try to talk their friend Chad out of doing something stupid to impress people.

A Teen Skit About: Stress - Karen is freaked out about her gigantic workload, and Brandon and Gary attempt to talk her down. Brandon also attempts humor, but the less said about that the better.

A Teen Skit About: Church - Shannon hates going to church, believing it to be the most boring, soul crushing experience there is. Brandon and Gary try to get her to see that despite all its flaws, there’s something about a community of Believers she needs.

A Teen Skit About: Commencement - Brandon and Gary are finally graduating, but while Gary has a clear path before him, Brandon has no idea what’s next. He’s more than a little scared about what the future holds.

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You can find the rest of my scripts here.